Long Grief

At last, here so fast

Having been slow to come

Calling to me, “Play.”

Pressing, marking

Black on my soul.

A robe and worn shoe

And his last half-read book

Lie upon my floor.

Scattered pieces

Frozen in peace.

Each turn upon turn

White queen to her knight dead

Along the checkered

Slow rotting board

Looming, askew.

Finish line stretches

Into abyss of pain.

It goes and it goes.

A bitter end

That time will find.

Susan Whitman-Helfgot
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Boston Med producer Terry Wrong and crew members at LA launch of The Match

Boston Med producer Terry Wrong and crew members Carl and Craig at LA launch of The Match: Complete Strangers with Tenaya Wallace of Donate Life Hollywood. Susan Whitman Helfgot was on hand signing copies of her new book which chronicles her husband's gift of a face in a historic transplant captured by ABC's Wrong last year while filming in Boston. The successful fundraiser will cover the costs of 8 documentary projects to be entered in next year's Donate Life Hollywood Film Festival.

Susan Whitman-Helfgot
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I'll Bring A Side Dish...

The Thanksgiving turkey sits in another oven, our family somewhat relieved having migrated to the smells and laughter of a different home. Better to sit and watch another husband still living carve the white and dark rather than to have our table’s head occupied by a replacement.

I pondered whether to bring along the silver gravy ladle that had belonged to my great-grandmother. At first thought it seemed having the dented thing with me might sooth the continuing sensation that everything has been destroyed. I tell myself that I finally decided to leave it in the drawer so it would not be lost in the holiday frenzy. In truth, it is because I am too raw to share, too angry to have warm memories occupy another woman’s kitchen.

The four children and I will go to my husband's grave tomorrow. We will pull the soft veil from the stone and stand together. I pray the dank earth will take pity upon me, releasing my grief. I am desperately waiting.

Susan Whitman-Helfgot
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UNOS Wall of Names Sun and Tears

On November 12, 2010 I visited UNOS - the national office of the United Network for Organ Sharing in Richmond. After signing copies of "The Match", its executive director Walter Graham gave me a tour of the award winning building. I watched spellbound as organ placement specialists juggled their 3 to 10 cases a day - a kidney running late from the west coast, a heart just clamped with 5 hours to make it by jet to a major medical center. Rows of clocks with various time zones from Maine to Hawaii line the walls of the nerve center.

We left the building into the warm autumn sun that reminded me why I love the South. I touched the stone etched with my husband's name - Joseph at the Wall of Names in the Memorial Garden. A small line of water ran down from the brick, left from the morning sprinklers. It seemed to be a tear.

Warmly,

Susan Whitman-Helfgot
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Winning Review by Kim Bagato: The Match By Susan Whitman Helfgot and William Novak

The Match is a unique account of two lives intertwined as a result of separate tragic events. The text is laced with Susan Whitman-Helfgot’s raw and honest thoughts about her husband’s life and death. She and William Novak give readers a behind the curtain look at the lives of face transplant donor Joseph Helfgot and Jim Maki who was the recipient of Helfgot’s generosity.

In this age of lawsuits and malpractice, the credibility, enthusiasm and warmth of the surgical team are noteworthy. I’ve heard it said that we don’t realize how strong we are until we’re up against what seem to be insurmountable odds. Only then do we find the strength necessary to press on. Often that strength is gained in the company of loved ones which was the case with the Helfgot and Maki family and friends.

Joseph’s family endured tentative moments teetering on the precipice of life and death. The Maki family endured pain of a different kind when Jim sustained a life-altering fall. Horror turned to hope when Joseph’s family agreed to donate the face of their beloved husband and father for an historic transplant. Susan Whitman-Helfgot and Jim Maki are living proof that calamity can bond people for good. May the record books bear evidence of thousands of transplant recipients living better lives through the unselfish gift of organ donation.

To learn more about organ donation: Donate Life America – www.donatelife.net United Network for Organ Sharing – www.unos.org U.S. Government – www.organdonor.gov

Review by Kim Bagato

Susan Whitman Helfgot with William Novak

"I started the book expecting to turn away. Three hours later, I set it down, in awe. ...The range of this book is astonishing... Because the focus shifts so quickly, the book reads like a thriller. And it is. But more, it’s a powerful account of people in crisis, when there’s no time to think and all you really have to go on is your character."

Jesse Kornbluth, HeadButler.com, October 20, 2010

Full Review below.

http://www.headbutler.com/books/non-fiction/match-complete-strangers-miracle-face-transplant-two-lives-transformed

We would like to thank Jesse for sharing your thoughts on The Match!

Susan Whitman-Helfgot
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Weekly Allowance and a Bailout

My son, Jacob, came to me on Wednesday looking for his weekly allowance. "Mom, I need my stimulus package," he said. "Will this trickle down?" I asked him. "Mommmm...." I continued, "stimulus means something designed to accelerate the economy. As in jobs. As in, will you actually walk the dog when you are supposed to every night?" "Sure, mom." I came in last night after walking the dog for the third night in a row. "Hi mom," said Jacob. "I need a bailout."

Visit us at: The Match

The Match: Complete Strangers....

Susan Whitman-Helfgot
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Jumping with Abandon

My boys and I just returned from Purity Spring Resort, a tiny bit of heaven in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. We found this spot twenty years ago and we return every year, a modern day pilgrimage. No matter how difficult or complicated, we always return. Always. A lake so clear, it is called Purity. We paddle canoes and watch beavers slide under kayaks for all too brief a time, hug and kiss friends we see only once a year while in this healing place, and then scatter, with the hope we will all make it through another year to do it all again. This year, two good men will never return. We celebrate them with joy for this perfect place.

Here is my friend Jane, a child at heart, jumping with abandon. If you don't have a lake, find one. Make it your own.

Susan Whitman-Helfgot

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The Match – AOPO Excerpts Part 4

Excerpt from prepared remarks by Susan Whitman Helfgot at the 2010 National Association of Organ Procurement Organizations recently held in Baltimore, Maryland.

... From a purely medical perspective, we know that the gift of facial tissue upon transplant ceases to be part of the donor and becomes the servant of a new master, directed by the brain which orchestrates its movements, imbuing it with new expressions, a new joie de vivre. Virtually no trace of the donor is left. But to a grieving widow, or to a mother or father, it is almost impossible to explain. So, why then, do donor families step forward and say yes? ....

AOPO's Mission

AOPO represents and serves Organ Procurement Organizations through advocacy, support, and development of activities that will maximize the availability of organs and tissues and enhance the quality, effectiveness, and integrity of the donation process.

As of July 30, 2010, 107,913 people are on the waiting list to receive the Gift of Life.

By: Susan Whitman Helfgot, Author of The Match available in bookstores & online October 12

Susan Whitman-Helfgot
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Hospitals and Having the Conversation about Organ Donation

A young mother wrote me a note. She lost her one month old baby and is sad because no one asked her if her little son could be an organ donor.

This was my reply:

"I know very well how much healing comes with the knowledge that a part of your loved one can continue helping another life to go on. I have never lost a child so it is impossible for me to know the depth of your grief, but I am deeply saddened for you and wish you strength during what is still a very difficult time in your life.

A few comments might help you, though. First, doctors and nurses are not directly involved in conversations about organ donation. This is left to family counselors who are employees of organ banks around the country. Sometimes, due to distance, other ongoing cases in other hospitals and simply a lack of staff, these conversations just never happen as there is no one available to speak to a family.

Sometimes, hospitals do not have the resources to help with organ recovery. Not every hospital participates in organ recovery; this is particularly the case with small hospitals who do not have appropriate staff or resources.

It is also possible that your child's medical condition made it improbable or impossible for him to be a viable organ donor and, rather than start a discussion and "get your hopes up", it was determined not to broach the subject with you and he was disqualified at the outset.

But your letter raises a very important point. So little is known by the general public about the process of organ donation. Not only is it important for us to sign up as organ donors, it is imperative that we communicate this to our primary care physicians and to our families that we have done so. Then, they may advocate strongly for us if the situation ever arises. Their first call should be to the local organ bank, even before calling the rest of the family. Although the hospital should help facilitate this, sometimes they are unable to help. There is no advocate like a family advocate."

Susan Whitman-Helfgot
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Donate Life

We are miracles, made from stardust - Thoughts on Life, Perseid Meteor Shower & Boston Med Finale

Those of you who know me well, know that I am a sucker for things that twinkle in the sky. I am still awed, even after years of studying science, when I pause to consider that my bones, spun into being by chemically rich RNA, are made from calcium and other elements created during supernova explosions that occurred many hundreds of millions of years ago. Somehow, these chemicals magically found their way here, to our tiny planet and into our complex biological bodies carrying forth the torch of creation. We are miracles -- made from stardust.

It is fitting that, as the final episode of Boston Med airs tonight, the Perseid Meteor Shower of 2010 will perform overhead. As we pass through Swift-Tuttle's shattered comet tail, stardust rich meteors will rain down upon us. Tonight, as a historic face transplant unfolds on television, the sky will deliver its bounty outside, unaware of our small medical triumph. I encourage you to watch both of these amazing shows.

Final Episode of Boston Med. Tonight on ABC. 10 p.m. EST.

Perseid Meteor Shower. Tonight on Planet Earth. Northern Hemisphere. Any darkened sky channel near you.

"May you live in interesting times."

Chinese Proverb.

Susan Whitman Helfgot

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